The following poem is very near and dear to my heart. By reading it, I hope the reader gets a sense of the pain and secrets that I have been carrying around with me until I got into therapy in 1997.
I Never Told Anyone
Many nights brother came to my bed; he is such a creep,
I never told anyone, the wounds are now too deep.
He said he would tell if I didn’t do what he wanted,
I never told anyone, those words for a long time haunted.
When he came to me, he raped my heart and soul,
I never told anyone, so I lived my life in a fish bowl.
For years, I blamed myself for the deepest cut of all,
I never told anyone, so I just put up another wall.
I was afraid to speak about what was going on,
I never told anyone, I kept the secret for far too long.
I thought I had to live in total silence,
I never told anyone about the violence.
Dad told us not to talk about what went on
In his house,
I never told anyone, I was quiet as a mouse.
Sometimes I thought about picking up a knife,
I never told anyone, now this secret has destroyed my life.
One day it all stopped and how convenient that no one remembers,
I never told anyone, now it is I who must pick up the embers.
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11 comments:
I am so sorry for your pain. I wish you well and hope you gain a sense of peace.
Writing is wonderful therapy of its own...Keep writing.
Well-written poem, and full of pain. I'm so glad you got yourself into therapy. Take care of you Marie.
Titania
((((HUGS))))
DW-I wrote this poem after my brother disowned me back in 2005. I guess that event triggered memories and feelings of the past. I talked and felt at length with my therapist about this nightmare and it does not haunt me anymore.
I sent you some possible poetry submissions please read them when you get a chance.
Titania-This part of my life I don't think about all that much any more. I am slowly moving past it. Although it will always be with me in some approximation for the rest of my life.
I will definitely keep writing! It seems it is the one thing I am really good at.
I think writing is such a good way to heal, Marie. Great poem.
I linked you to my new blog :) Please visit often. I will be focusing on Mental Health and Abuse. I might combine my women abuse blog with this new blog and make it one.
hi marie, what a terrible thing to have had to endure. unfortunately, it happens in many homes. i'm glad you've gotten help for it. your brother probably disowned you out of his own guilt. keep writing. its a way of releasing the pain, but it's also a way of ministering to others. i agree with dream writer, it is therapy.
The more and more posotive feedback I get it becomes clearer that I should publish my own book of poetry. I am thinking about doing this on LuLu.com I don't think there is any money up front.
Thanks to everybody for the posotive feedback. With every story or poem I write it builds my confidence in my abilities. That is something I never really had before but I am glad to have it now!
Hi Marie,
What a shocking experience you had. I'm at a loss for words. Just leave your past to the dustbin and try to move on. There's something better for you out there. Life cannot always be dreary. Somehow, someway, life will be more meaningful and wonderful for you.
I'll pray for you my friend. That's the only thing I can do.
God bless you with all the wonderful things in life.
Hi Marie,
I'm sorry about the wrong name. No. I did not change my name or was I baptized again. I just put up a blog for my youngest daughter and I had a hard time registering her so I put her under my account. Her name got into my personal profile. Obviously there was a mix up. Well these things happen. Sorry for the mix up. Try to visit her blogspot. You can see it in my blog roll.
Thanks again and so sorry for the mix up.
God bless you with all the pleasant things in life.
Marie,
My heart cries with yours over what you endured at the hands of your brother. Yet, at the same time, my spirit soars with yours that you have been able to move on with your life and are now writing about your experiences as part of your own healing process. Know that in the process of working through your own feelings of grief and pain, that you are also helping others who have not yet made it this far on their journey to recovery.
It doesn't surprise me that you may be receiving some negative feedback. Many people are uncomfortable facing these issues. They shock our sensibilities, they defy reason, and for some, they remind us of people and situations that we'd just as soon forget. But the sad fact is that you are not alone and that there are hundreds of thousands of adults living with the memories of childhood abuse and more children are joining those ranks each day.
It's only because of the courage of people like you that we will ever hope to put an end to this devestation. I encourage you to keep writing, keep sharing, and keep healing. You are a survivor!
Syd-Thank you for your comments. The most disturbing part is the fact that my parents keep telling me forget it and move on. To a survivor that is an insult.
I am also asked why didn't you say anything? It does not take a genius to figure that one out.
Thanks for stopping by. Please feel free to stop by anytime.
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