New Poem

One of the things I have discovered about myself lately is that I am a very passionate person. I guess this passion reflects in my poetry. I have often been criticized in the past that my poetry has been dark and depressing. Whatever!
I wrote this only this morning. It is for my soulmate whomever he is. I may have already met him or I may never meet him.

Can't Wait

My eyes can't wait to see your beautiful face again
My lips can't wait to touch yours
My arms can't wait to hold you and never let go
My hands can't wait to touch every part of your body
My body can't wait to love you
My heart can't wait until I have yours
My soul can't wait to be with you forever

The Guardian

Dear sweet one we have finally laid you to rest,
Your sensitive soul is not put to the test.
You were sent to protect and guard,
To help us when life gets too hard.

You now sit quietly here on my shoulder,
To guard and guide as life grows colder.
We need to believe you did not die in vain
If you did nothing will be the same.

Voices

This post is inspired by Sarah's latest post "Satan's Lies". Just want to let you know that you are not alone.

Voices


I lived my life by the voices in my head,
They have filled it with a lot of lead.
The voices tell me that the abuse was my fault,
This message was ingrained in my mind’s vault.
The voices tell me that things were not worth trying,
This lie I was always buying.
The voices told me that I am bad,
This has always made me truly sad.
The voices tell me that I do not deserve good things,
That is now why I have broken wings.

The voices tell me that I can’t do anything,
Therefore, I sat at home alone and did nothing.
The voices tell me that things will never get better,
Therefore, I let the sadness, anger and doubt fester.
The voices have always put me down,
That is why I walk around with a frown.
The voices tell me that I will never be good enough,
I am so tired of listening to that stuff.
The voices I have listened to for many years you see,
They have tricked me out of the person I thought I could be.
Now one voice tells me it is time to change the tape,
I am doing this now so from negativity I can escape.


I have let my negative thought patterns (and other things) rob me of the life I so richly deserve. My friend Kate always said to me it was time to "change the tapes". What she means is to start thinking positively about things and not let the "voices" take over and hinder me from living life and start seeing things in a different way.

Survival

I did the best I could to survive,
If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be alive.
I read a lot to make my knowledge thrive,
It was only one way I knew to survive.
I spent many days and nights watching television,
It was part of my little prison.
Constant fantasies of a different life helped me cope,
They were creative and filled with scope.
I escaped the trauma through constant sleep,
The wounds were just too deep.
I pretended to get religion,
It compounded my existing lack of vision.


Many days I thought about suicide,
Because of the pain I had to hide.
Instead, I gave in to my addictions and destructive behaviors,
They became my only saviors.
I survived by constant isolation,
It was of no consolation.
I survived by putting on many masks,
Just so no one asks.
I always strived for perfection,
I don’t see it now when I look at my reflection.
Being funny and cynical helped me to get through the awful years,
I didn’t have to feel the pain or cry the tears.
I did all of these things, what it’s all for?
To save my life and now earn the title of SUVIVOR!

Silence

In silence I dream of living another life,
Life without constant turmoil and strife.
In silence my darkness cries out for help,
But the world does not seem to care,
I dream for a kindred spirit, one who
Will always be there.

In silence my isolation grows,
When it will end I will never know.
In silence it seems my life has passed me by,
It took me forever it seems to understand why.

In silence I have put up the walls so nobody comes in,
If they don’t come down the darkness will win.
In silence I listen to the voices in my head,
Gone astray, that is where they have lead.

From silence I learned to cope,
I have also found that there is hope.
Silence has broken my sensitive wings,
I could never talk about a lot of things.

Silence is not going to set you free
That it is no way to be.
Silence will bind you to the secrets of the heart,
Releasing it is the best place to start.

Once the silence is broken my wings can fly again,
The only question that remains is WHEN?

An Explaination

It seems my last post has sparked some controversy. I guess that is part of being a writer evoking controversy even though no harm was intended. The poem was NOT posted out of any maliciousness or spitefullness on my part. It was posted merely to tell a part of my life.

I am truly sorry however that poeple are angry and hurt by the post. The suggestion was made that I should not post these kinds of things in a public way. I will have to do some thinking on that one.

A Look Into My life

The following poem is very near and dear to my heart. By reading it, I hope the reader gets a sense of the pain and secrets that I have been carrying around with me until I got into therapy in 1997.



I Never Told Anyone

Many nights brother came to my bed; he is such a creep,
I never told anyone, the wounds are now too deep.
He said he would tell if I didn’t do what he wanted,
I never told anyone, those words for a long time haunted.
When he came to me, he raped my heart and soul,
I never told anyone, so I lived my life in a fish bowl.
For years, I blamed myself for the deepest cut of all,
I never told anyone, so I just put up another wall.

I was afraid to speak about what was going on,
I never told anyone, I kept the secret for far too long.
I thought I had to live in total silence,
I never told anyone about the violence.
Dad told us not to talk about what went on
In his house,
I never told anyone, I was quiet as a mouse.
Sometimes I thought about picking up a knife,
I never told anyone, now this secret has destroyed my life.
One day it all stopped and how convenient that no one remembers,
I never told anyone, now it is I who must pick up the embers.

For Sid

The Dream


The dream comes to me in my bed and in the dark of night,
Every time it came, it would cause me fright.
In the dream, someone comes to my bed, breathes in my ear
and down my neck, I tried to scream what the heck!
The dream tries to grab hold of me and I try to fight back,
I am weak strength is what I lack.
I try to scream for mommy but the scream does not come,
I wanted to leap out of my bed and begin to run.
After the dream came, I forced to wake from a peaceful sleep
I tried to go back counting sheep.
I tried to fall back into slumber and the dream returns again,
Some day the dream will stop but for now, I wonder WHEN?

With You

I have often been criticized that my poems have been too depressing. I guess they only see what's on poetry.com to base their opinions on. That site only allows poems that are 20 lines or less. Some of my more uplifting poems are much longer and give hope to the reader. I am going to share with you one of a few poems I wrote for my therapist Carol who has since retired. When I think about her and our time together it always makes me smile. It was due to her kindness and her guidance that I am in a better place in my life today.

With You

I lived my life the black hole,
As a result, I never achieved my true goal.
I woke up one day and told myself enough of this,
The search began to climb myself out of the abyss.
I needed to find someone I could trust,
That to me is a must.
Now I have found you my lending ear,
You are the first person I have let get near.

Now with you I can talk about and feel the pain,
You gave me hope, now my life will never be the same.
With you, I learned that bad things happen to GOOD people,
So no longer do I need a pew and a steeple.
With you, I learned I had to forgive myself what I did to survive,
You were there when my soul began to thrive.

With you, I learned I don’t have to forgive HIM for the treachery
he infiltrated upon me,
When I found that out, I yelled, Yippee!
With you, I learned I have to forgive myself at that’s ALL,
No longer must I feel like I am a foot tall.
With you, I learned that is was NOT my fault,
That was the biggest truth that I was taught
It was one of the answers that I have always sought.

New Poem

Love's Sweet Pain

I knew you would would have been good for me,
You would have helped me spread my wings and fly,
But all you said was bye bye bye.
You soon found another, you thought she was the one,
The one who would fill your life with love and fun.
She is gone and you are now feeling love's sweet pain
Just as I, you now feel the chill and the strain.
Even now when I see you when I do,I sometimes hope we can start anew
You were a dream that I know that can never come true.
You will always have a piece of my heart,The part that was broken by you,
I hope someday I will find someone new.

Copyright ©2007 Marie Coppla